Eternal Paradox
by Mukkxon McGravedigger Xerenhuk
Summary: What is Ranma's eternal paradox find out in a musical fashion. Song from Legally blonde the musical. I do not own either Raman or the song, i can just combine them. first ranma fic R


Ranma and Akane walk into their school talking, well, arguing like they always did. For a while they didn't notice how people had started whispering upon seeing the two of them walking down the hall.

"Ranma," Akane whispered leaning close to the pigtailed boy, "I think that they're talking about us." Akane said when she noticed the looks they were getting and how the gossipers would scatter when they were noticed.

Ranma nodded his head in agreement when he too noticed the behavior of their peers. He straightened and did his best to ignore the whispers.

They walked to their lockers undisturbed, which was a rare and odd occurrence. When they were spotted the hallway parted, and the two passed by ignoring their whispering gawking fools that were their peers. They also ignored the odd feeling that surrounded the school. From their lockers they moved quickly to their first class, which happened to by gym.

They pushed the door open and looked around the large room. It was dark except for three lights in the middle of the gym that revealed a Judge's and witness' stand. Across from the two stands sat two tables, each table had four chairs around it. There was also a gate type thing separating the tables and chairs from other chairs lined in multiple rows. It looked like a court room, and they had a feeling that this was exactly what it was supposed to be.

Ranma's and Akane's attention were drawn from the furniture, that _wasn't_ supposed to be there to the eight figures that were stepping into the little light in the room. When said people were revealed it did nothing to stop the confusion that the two were feeling. The eight figures were made up of family, friends, and peers. There was Genma, Nabiki, Happosai, Ryouga, Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyo, and Kuno looking at the pair stoically.

"Wha-" Ranma started to ask but was soon ignored and pushed towards the witness stand while Akane was being pushed into one of the random chairs that would be reserved for family and an audience in a court case.

When Ranma and Akane had been seated everyone else seated themselves. Shampoo was sitting in the Judge's seat, while Genma, Mousse, Happosai, and Ryouga seated themselves at one table. Kuno, Nabiki, and Ukyo were seated behind this table and in front of Akane. The other table was filled with peers that Ranma didn't recognize, and the other empty chairs were slowly being filled by others that Ranma had never taken the time to notice, pay attention to, or get to know.

He looked at Akane who looked as confused as him. 'What's going on' she mouthed and Ranma answered her with a shake of his head, he knew just as much as she did. Ranma looked away from her to Ryouga who was conversing with Happosai, the other looked doubtful to what he was saying.

"There! Right There!  
Look at that tan, that tinted skin."

Ryouga said pointing toward Ranma, who looked down at himself in confusion.

"Look at the killer shape he's in.  
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.  
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.

Ryouga continued to sing, ignoring the glare that Ranma was sending his way.

I'm not about to celebrate.  
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.  
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.

Happosai sung crossing his arms while studying Ranma.

That is the elephant in the room.  
Well is it relevant to assume  
that a man who wears perfume  
is automatically radically fey?

Everyone sung, and Ranma looked around confused. '_why is everyone singing?'_

But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.

Mousse sang and Ranma touched his hair self-consciously.

Look at his silk translucent socks.

Ryouga said as Ranma found himself pulling up his socks against his will.

There's the eternal paradox.  
Look what we're seeing.

Happosai sang.

What are we seeing?

Ryouga asked looking at Happosai

Is he gay?

Happosai asked and was interrupted by Ryouga

Of course he's gay.

Ryouga scoffed.

Or European?

Happosai sang ignoring Ryouga

ohhhhhh.  
Gay or European?  
It's hard to guarantee  
Is he gay or European?

Everyone sang all looking at Ranma as if he was a piece of meat.

Well, hey don't look at me.

Kuno sang putting up his hands defensively

You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.  
They play peculiar sports.

Nabiki sang standing slightly in front of Kuno

In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.  
Gay or foreign fella?  
The answer could take weeks.  
They will say things like "ciao bella"  
while they kiss you on both cheeks.

Everyone sang looking intently at Ranma.

Oh please.

Ryouga scoffed.

Gay or European?  
So many shades of gray.

Everyone sang seemingly ignoring Ryouga.

:  
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.

Kuno said sitting down again.

Is he gay or European?  
or-

Everyone sang and was interrupted.

There! Right There!  
Look at that condescending smirk.  
Seen it on every guy at work.  
That is a metro hetero jerk.  
That guy's not gay, I say no way.

Ukyo sang glaring at Ranma who was smirking.

That is the elephant in the room.  
Well is it relevant to presume  
that a hottie in that costume

Everyone sang. Ranma had finally noticed that Ukyo's friend Tsubasa was his guard, who seemed unaffected like the same as the others. So he started to the cross dresser.

Is automatically-radically

Ryouga said noticing Ranma who looked to be flirting.

Ironically chronically

Happosai now joined him.

Certainly pertin'tly

Nabiki sang noticing the what the other two males were staring at.

Genetically medically

Kuno sang standing again.

GAY!  
OFFICIALLY GAY!  
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY

Everyone sang in triumph.

DAMNIT!

Ranma had asked Tsubasa to remove his shirt due to being awkward with him looking like a guy.

Gay or European?

Everyone sang again all sitting or leaning in defeat.

So stylish and relaxed.

Happosai observed

Is he gay or European?

Everyone asked again.

I think his chest is waxed.

Happosai sang noticing how Ranma's shirt had opened.

But they bring their boys up different there.  
It's culturally diverse.  
It's not a fashion curse.

Nabiki sang sitting herself neatly on the chair.

If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.  
Gay or just exotic?  
I still can't crack the code.

Everyone sang looking at each other.

Yet his accent is hypnotic  
but his shoes are pointy toed.

Genma sang and Ranma gave him an odd look.

Huh.  
Gay or European?  
So many shades of gray.

Everyone sang.

But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday.

Shampoo sang managing to speak fluently.

Is he gay or European?  
Gay or European?  
Gay or Euro-

Everyone chorused, no one finding an answer.

Wait a minute!  
Give me a chance to crack this guy.  
I have an idea I'd like to try.

Mousse said turning to Happosai, for once not singing.

The floor is yours.

Happosai replied not singing either.

So Mr. Argitacos...  
This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for...?

Mousse asked pointing at Genma while remaining focused on Ranma.

2 years.

Ranma answered. 'I meant to tell him that wasn't my name.'

And your first name again is...?

Mousse asked walking closer.

Mikos.

Ranma said meaning to tell the idiot that he already knew.

And your boyfriend's name is...?

Mousse asked leaning on the witness stand.

Carlos.

Ranma had meant to say he didn't have a boyfriend.

I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend.  
I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend.

Ranma looked at Akane who looked pissed. '_Oh no.'_

You bastard!

Ranma had expected that, but not the accent she was using.

You lying bastard!

Ranma expected that to.

That's it.  
I no cover for you, no more!  
Peoples.  
I have a big announcement.  
This man is Gay and European!

Akane sang standing on the table. '_Not her too!' _Ranma exclaimed in his head.

You've got to stop your being  
a completely closet case.  
No matter what he say.  
I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.  
You are so gay.  
You big parfait!  
You flaming boy band cabaret.

Akane continued to sing walking forward until she was in front of the witness stand.

I'm straight!

Ranma yelled, for once actually saying what he wanted to say.

You were not yesterday.  
So if I may, I'm proud to say,  
He's gay!

Akane said sitting on the witness stand.

And European!

Everyone sang.

He's gay!

Akane sang again.

And European!

Everyone yells joined singing happily.

He's gay!

Akane sang again, and Ranma rolled his eyes.

And European and Gay!

Everyone sang throwing their hands up in the air.

Fine okay I'm gay!

Ranma said and kissed Akane. He hadn't meant to say he was gay.

Hooray!

Everyone sang as Ranma and Akane moved from the witness stand

Fine. Okay. We're gay!

Ranma and Akane sang as Ranma was splashed with cold water, almost flashing everyone except that Akane was in the way.

Ranma and Akane walked home slowly in an awkward silence. Ranma coughed and glanced sideways at Akane, who noticed, blushed, and looked away.

"I'm not gay." Ranma muttered blushing.

"I know," Akane replied her blush deepening.

After the whole musical deal it was revealed that the school was now aware of his secret. They couldn't explain why they had broken into song, which Ranma didn't believe. He thought it was some kind of conspiracy, but he ignored the facts that would prove him wrong.

"I like girls." He said again.

"You like a lot of girls." Akane said, rather jealous.

"No, only one." Ranma said and nearly slapped himself when something that wasn't supposed to come out managed to slip out.

"Oh? Who?" Akane asked hating how hopeful and desperate she sounded.

"You." Ranma said leaning down and giving her another kiss.

**Lol so i don't know if this is supposed to be a crossover, if so please tell me. Thanks for reading.**

**Peace.**

**p.s. If you guys like this fanfiction please read some of my other fictions i promise ill post more fics but right now i only have a couple so if your interested please Read & Review them too. Thanks.**


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